I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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