how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Randomize
