i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
