Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Randomize
