she peed on how many people?
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
