If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Hippo gnu deer
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
