on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
