he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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