Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
