im six kinds of drunk right now
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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