So drunk its hurt
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
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