So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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