I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Drunk is a universal language darling
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
