also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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