Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Im part way to drunk.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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