I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
