White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
did i just pee glitter
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Randomize
