Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I wannas sexs uuuuu
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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