Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I need a burrito and a hug.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
