I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize