I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
