he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize