Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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