Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
