Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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