I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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