I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Randomize
