i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
