here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Quick, to the slutcave!
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
