I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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