Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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