I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
