That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Randomize
