Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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