So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
