ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
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