I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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