I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
