I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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