you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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