I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize