At least make sure they are 18
Why
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
