not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Can I color on your dick again?
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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