I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize