If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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