So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
