playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
