if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
