What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Randomize
