i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
We are two peas in an std pod
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
