just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize