The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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