he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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