why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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