dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
