So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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