An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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