I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
