just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
