areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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