I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
