i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Randomize