meet me or not, i'm out of control
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Let's get the cat blown out
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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