well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Let's paint friendship bongs
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
