Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
