right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
