My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
