I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Just high enough for therapy.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
