Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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