i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
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