i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize