first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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