***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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