im having a threesome with these popsicles
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
