Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
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