a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize
