Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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