I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
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